Dating Is Hard

Stumbling Through The Adventures And Misadventures Of Dating With God's Grace

The Couple Clause January 3, 2017

Filed under: Advice,Blog,Dates,Dating,friends — blueyedflicka @ 4:11 pm
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Dating…it can be something of a challenge as we get older. Heck, it has always been a challenge for me. I’m at the point in my life where friends now start to tell me about their vacation plans years ahead of time. I’m invited to go…only if at that time I have someone to go with as well. That’s right, I have entered into a Couple Clause. *tick tock*

Has this happened to you?

I honestly didn’t know it had come to this. I had never, at 34 years old (thanks December birthday), thought of myself in this situation. Just like Tim Allen in The Santa Clause 2, I have been given an ultimatum. Although I may not be saving Christmas the sentiment is the same. I cannot pass go without marriage.

Why do other couples do this to their single friends? Has it  been so long that they have  forgotten what its like to date? Do they want so desperately to see their single friends married for some reason? Is it not possible to be single and Heaven forbid…happy?

I take this all into consideration when this is brought to my attention. Couples doing things. Couples going places. And I understand from a Couples perspective that it can be a bit odd having a Single friend there amongst all the pairs. It’s odd for me too!

The thing is, ALL people are single at some point in their lives. For some it is a little longer than others. And yes, there are those that choose to remain single for the rest of their time on this Earth. The point is to respect that, to cherish the time you can have with them before it all becomes about fitting one another into each others schedules.

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God’s timing and plans are far greater than my own. It’s hard enough for me to understand it myself so please don’t make it any harder. Be patient with me, my time is coming and it will be better than anything I could have imagined.

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The Bachelor Vs Online Dating January 23, 2013

 

I have to admit that I’ve seen The Bachelor, and The Bachelorette more than once. And every time it drives me nuts! All of these women or men competing over one person. Getting played by one another, drawing out people’s feelings for show ratings, etc. There is no way in heck that I could do that. Too much chick drama.

Plus, I’m horrible at hiding my emotions. I can keep certain things bundled up but faking whether I like someone…I just can’t do it. It’s like there is some big flashing sign on my forehead. Or a big red X flashes across like on Family Feud when the wrong answer is given, or in this case the wrong guy approaches.

Yet with all of my online dating experience I can’t help but start to see some similarities after time. Online dating is A LOT like The Bachelor. I had never really thought about it, because, well, it’s not as in your face as The Bachelor is. Then I had it pointed out to me by my last online interest.

Cowboy: “So I’ve gone on two dates with two different women since I’ve been on the dating site. And they both say they’re “into me” or “like me a lot”.

Um, okay? And why did he feel he needed to tell me this? Because I wasn’t doting on him like they were. I’m just not that girl. I’m not going to just throw out my feelings to someone I’ve never met, went on a date with, or even gotten a straight answer from in an email.

If you’re trying to capture my attention and heart…USE YOUR WORDS! It is the most annoying thing when you bounce around and don’t answer something I have asked or completely ignore it. I’m trying to get to know the guy, he’s got to give me something for me to want more and be interested. More on this experience later. Boy oh boy was it a flop too!

Back to where I was…which was…AH! Examples!

When your online dating you don’t realize most of the time that there are other women. Heck, when you’re dating period, you don’t think about other women. Truth be told, I do. More so when I am dating someone in person, in my hometown, who I can hear things about. Which is exactly like The Bachelor!

Sitting there watching as the guy your there for goes out with a group of women before you. He kisses other women and you hear about it. There isn’t a move made that your able to ignore. And that’s the way they like it, THAT’S what sells. Chick drama.

Not so much online. It’s like an invisible shield goes up and you think you’re the only two on the site even when you’ve looked at other profiles. It feels more close encounter and mysterious because all of the background chatter isn’t happening. Until it’s brought up, like Cowboy mentioned above.

So why is it so hard then to raise that shield in other forms of dating? Focus on the one person your interested in? Not let others intervene. Simple, curiosity gets the best of us. We want to know more, so we ask, especially if the guy is not spilling it himself. We want to protect ourselves from being duped.

Yet, sometimes we get in our own way. So what does it take for us to be able to step out of our own way, stop listening to all the chick talk, and just let things happen?

 

Nice Girls Finish Last March 7, 2012

Filed under: Advice,Blog,Dating,Dating Online,Lessons — blueyedflicka @ 12:31 pm
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I wonder if it has ever occurred to men that we women have the same “nice guys finish last” complex.

 

Or should I say nice girls finish last? Yes, it’s true. Sometimes the feminine mind goes there as well. Some other person gets married, has a kid, etc. and the thought can’t help but come along. What about me? How come them?

 

Why are women attracted to jerky guys by a man’s standard and men attracted to witchy gals by a women’s standard? Is it because they tend to be bolder? More outgoing? Direct even?

 

It seems to me that I hear a lot of men talk about how women are always attracted to the bad boys. No women ever wants the nice guy. I know that’s not true. My girl friends and I have had many conversations regarding this very issue.

 

Each time all I hear them say is how they would like someone with manners, treats them well, appreciates them, a gentleman who LOVES them.

 

On the opposite side women are always talking about men wanting the “girl next door/take home to mom” type but instead go straight for the first woman they see in a tight dress or low-cut top. I believe author Steve Harvey referred to this as “sport fishing”. I understand that men would like to end up with a nice girl but it makes it hard to believe when women witness time and time again this pattern. Just as much as it makes it hard to believe that women want a gentlemen when they keep chasing the bad boys.

 

Doesn’t this whole thing just seem crazy? We’re all just a bunch of walking contradictions. Trying to figure ourselves out is hard enough. We are complex people with complex emotions. I’m going to stop myself before I get all psychoanalytical about it anymore than I have. I’ve read too much maybe.

 

So where in all of this does the nice guy and nice girl find one another?

 

Sometimes I feel like waiting (not always so patiently) for the right man God has planned for me is like asking how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
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