Dating Is Hard

Stumbling Through The Adventures And Misadventures Of Dating With God's Grace

The Couple Clause January 3, 2017

Filed under: Advice,Blog,Dates,Dating,friends — blueyedflicka @ 4:11 pm
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Dating…it can be something of a challenge as we get older. Heck, it has always been a challenge for me. I’m at the point in my life where friends now start to tell me about their vacation plans years ahead of time. I’m invited to go…only if at that time I have someone to go with as well. That’s right, I have entered into a Couple Clause. *tick tock*

Has this happened to you?

I honestly didn’t know it had come to this. I had never, at 34 years old (thanks December birthday), thought of myself in this situation. Just like Tim Allen in The Santa Clause 2, I have been given an ultimatum. Although I may not be saving Christmas the sentiment is the same. I cannot pass go without marriage.

Why do other couples do this to their single friends? Has it  been so long that they have  forgotten what its like to date? Do they want so desperately to see their single friends married for some reason? Is it not possible to be single and Heaven forbid…happy?

I take this all into consideration when this is brought to my attention. Couples doing things. Couples going places. And I understand from a Couples perspective that it can be a bit odd having a Single friend there amongst all the pairs. It’s odd for me too!

The thing is, ALL people are single at some point in their lives. For some it is a little longer than others. And yes, there are those that choose to remain single for the rest of their time on this Earth. The point is to respect that, to cherish the time you can have with them before it all becomes about fitting one another into each others schedules.

bag-of-salt         myth-of-living-life-to-the-fullest.jpg

God’s timing and plans are far greater than my own. It’s hard enough for me to understand it myself so please don’t make it any harder. Be patient with me, my time is coming and it will be better than anything I could have imagined.

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Plan A January 8, 2015

Filed under: Advice,Dating,Lessons — blueyedflicka @ 10:25 pm
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We’ve all had a Plan A. It starts out in what we think is something we want and goes from there. However, Plan A doesn’t always work out, then what? We make another plan, and another hoping that at some point the right plan will come along and everything will work out.

So what makes up a plan? What makes a plan work? Simple answer? You. A plan doesn’t exist without you. So who’s to say you need to keep going through plan after plan that doesn’t seem to work? If it’s your plan, you have the right to change it. Things happen, people change, so change the plan along with it. Adapt. And just because you have a plan, whether it’s about your career goals, personal goals, or love life remember that the only one besides you that has a say in the outcome is God.

And if you’re not on track with Him…chances are the plans you have are not right for you anyway.

 

Fishbowl July 5, 2013

Filed under: Blog,Dates,Dating — blueyedflicka @ 5:07 pm
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I don’t know how many times that it needs to be proven to me, as I live in what I consider a small town, even though we’re over 50k people strong, but everyone ends up knowing someone, somehow. And as I have seen in the last few months even the state is starting to get small. The world of country people makes things even smaller.

Someone can be from out-of-state and they will know someone you do. The connections just never seem to stop. This can be a good thing and a not so good thing. Especially when it comes to dating. Which for many reasons is why I tend to not date much. Or even honestly right now not at all.

A lot of people end up dating a friend of someone they dated, or a family member of someone they know. So it makes me careful not to be passed around from friend to friend until the right one fits. I’d like to get it right the first time please.

So what options are there then? To move? To stay single? To just deal with the situation at hand when it’s at hand? All of the above?

Each town or state seems to have the same problem. It’s better for the outsider (or maybe not since you may not know you dated the current guys cousin last week) with the odds than for someone who has grown up in the town. However, if you know the situation, and how your standards are then there shouldn’t be a problem at all. Whether that means being okay with dating your ex’s best friend, and them (the guys) being okay with it too, or if it means limiting your dating pool to one.

For this girl though, unless someone new moves to town, my dating limit is done. That is until I move. Which may have to be sooner rather than later as this fishbowl keeps getting smaller, and the only single guys left who don’t know someone I do, I probably baby-sat.

 

The Awkward Work Situation June 24, 2013

 

Why does it always seem that when you’re having a normal working day things can come out of left field and surprise you? This occured the other day while I was putting things away at work. That awkward moment when a guy asks me why I’m single. It seems like such an innocent question at first, yet can truly be more complicated than a simple answer of ” I just am.” They always want to know more. Usually it involves a questioning stare of “what’s wrong with you?”

Secondly, what seemed like an innocent work relationship with my normal sarcasm and wittiness towards co-workers backfired on me. More than once. I’ve been asked out at least five times. These guys are not my typical guys either. Annnnnd it makes it super uncomfortable for me. Why? I am horrible at confrontation and letting someone down, otherwise known as that horrible word. Rejection.

Knowing what I want in life and who I’d like to have in my life with me doesn’t always attract the right guy and situation I’d like myself going towards. I have constantly wondered why this keeps happening to me. What am I doing wrong? Through the help of some awesome friends, and a book I am currently reading, I have learned that somewhere down the line I started undervaluing myself not only in love but in life (that job I’ve always wanted but seem to think I’m not good enough for, and let other circumstances and excuses get in my way).

I let myself be comfortable in situations that don’t necessarily benefit me. I am socially extroverted easily towards people I am not attracted to. I don’t put the pressure of a romantic relationship in the equation. So it’s easy for me to be myself.

Now I know why these guys at work keep coming up to me. I’m relaxed, for the most part, and just being me, because I’m not worried about dating, guys, and the possibilities of what could happen. I’ve even gotten to the point of just telling them “I don’t date co-workers” and even more recently said “I like rodeos, cows, horses, and the country”, and thankfully they agreed it would not be a good match. Also, more than half of these guys were divorced/separated, had baby mama drama, and more than one kid.

I’m okay with kids, and even divorce. When it comes down to questioning my value, I don’t even hesitate to politely show them the door. After the initial embarrassment of it all, that is. By my value (note I didn’t say values) I mean not what I would like in someone else, but what I like in myself, and how I hold myself personally to a standard. Valuing myself first is the key to my happiness, and others will see that. Like I’ve been told, “sometimes you have to pick yourself”.

 

Accents January 30, 2013

I can’t help it. I like accents. Or should I say I love them? Especially when a man has one. I mean, come on…it’s just melting.They surround us constantly whether someone is from a different country or within our own country. They just rock. There are however some accents that make me swoon.

1. Australian

English: Chris Hemsworth at the 2010 San Deigo...

Ex: Hugh Jackman, Chris Hemsworth, Simon Baker, Sam Worthington, Heath Ledger, and Alex O’Loughlin to name a few. Plus the fact that they aren’t bad to look at doesn’t hurt the situation either.

2. Irish and Scottish

Scottish actor Gerard Butler at the press conf...

Ex: Gerard Butler. Need I say more? Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Colin Farrell, Liam Neeson, Sean Connery, Dougray Scott, James McAvoy.

3. British

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Ex: Daniel Craig, Colin Firth, Paul Bettany, Clive Owens.

4. South African

Charlize Theron Dior

Ex: Charlize Theron, Arnold Vosloo

5. Italian

Ex: Monica Bellucci, and the rest well, are from old-time Hollywood or in foreign films most of us have not seen.

Just something about these above mentioned accents is awesome. There are a ton more I’m sure if I heard a lot more of I’d love just as much. As I was saying, I am a fan of accents. Words just seem to roll off the tongue better with one.

This even applies to people in the South like Alabama. I have a couple of friends from there that I love hearing from. That drawl gets me every time. And the politeness of the “ma’am” when spoken too. Oh, and if you’ve ever had someone call you “baby” with that accent, it’s well worth it. And probably the only time I have ever liked it.

Being called “ma’am” in Texas within hours of driving into the state and having the door opened for you by a perfect stranger. Chivalry dead? Not everywhere! I think I probably had a goofy shocked look on my face.

No matter where the accent comes from, ( minus some slang, and certain other areas that make the American public look not the brightest) they’re pretty neat. Accents define where you’re from, and add to character. And as we’ve seen in acting are easy to drop or pick up. Kind of.

It’s weird that some people don’t like accents to me. I’ve heard people say that they try to drop their accent because people don’t like it or can’t understand them. Who cares? Let it fly I say! People already give up so much of who they are to fit “the norm” why give that up to? Embrace it.

If someone makes fun, they’re just jealous. And if I ever mimic an accent, it’s because I’m jealous. I LOVE them. If I could be surrounded by accents daily I would. Bring them on world! Let’s keep our cultures alive and well. Differences are beautiful.

 

Man Made Distractions January 29, 2013

It’s hard at times to not get distracted from the things in life that I really want, by the things in life that I would like to have. So in that frame of mind I did something a little off the book. Or more so, I should say off the plan. I went through and found all my online dating profiles and deleted them all. That’s right, gone.

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I realized with the ringing in of the new year, my 30th birthday, and starting to move forward instead of standing still, that I was not doing what was best for me by letting myself get distracted by one of the things I would like in my life. A boyfriend, you know, the type to eventually become a husband and all that other Cinderella stuff. Not that I have one but the pursuit of one is what has been my problem. All of this online dating, which really just ends up being online ogling at profile after profile because we women actually read profiles and then consumes well, hours.

Meanwhile I’m becoming a hermit. Let’s face it, that’s not exactly the best way to get a date. Looking back on it, it’s super lazy. I can sit in my pajamas with no makeup and “see” all the men I want without ever having to go anywhere. Sounds good doesn’t it? But where does it get me? Nowhere. I’m still sitting at home, in my pajamas with no makeup on.

Tucking myself a little harder into that box I so comfortably fit into. For the new year and the start of my 30’s I’ll be stepping out of the box. Or maybe I should say busting out. Dating is scary and an easy way to ease that is by putting up walls via the internet.

So I’m challenging myself. Baby steps, but I’m going to do it. Get out and do things I want to do. Stop waiting around and just looking, and do.

Is there something missing from your life? Something that you’ve always wanted to do but got distracted from? Get out there and do it! Here’s to adventure and the pursuit of love and life! Corny, I know, but go with me on this. Because while we’re sitting at home all comfortable, other people are living their lives, going after their dreams, and being happy. Why should we be envious of them for getting what they want out of life when we have the ability to do the same? And after all, our dreams are way cooler.

 

 

 

 

Summer Lovin’ November 14, 2012

Filed under: Advice,Blog,Dates,Dating,Dating Online,Lessons — blueyedflicka @ 1:09 pm
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Insert Grease song here ⬇

I don’t even know where to begin with this. Why? It is not something I ever have happen to myself. For me, it’s always the other woman.

At least that’s the way I feel. I am shy normally when it comes to my feelings. I don’t want to step on toes. I don’t want to hurt feelings. Risk is something I tread lightly taking when it comes to romance, feelings, and love. I put up walls and protect myself. I take caution because when I do step out of my comfort zone, and it’s just so cozy in the nice little comfort zone that I built, I get burned.

Saying that, this is what happened one summer when I relaxed and just let things happen;

I tend to be sarcastic. I know, this may come as a shock to some of you…I try to be not as sarcastic, tone it down a little, but it can exude from me without warning at times. I’ve been told I can chop someone down pretty quick. Recently I had a guy from high school tell me “still putting me in my place after all these years. I was always nervous around you, ’cause you were smart enough and brave enough to shut down my bull even in high school. Cheers to you, madam.”  I never knew but always wondered if my mama was right, she’s always told me I had a quick tongue.

I guess I need someone with somewhat of sarcastic nature themselves who can dish it out just as good to challenge me. Someone who can draw me out of my shell. Gets my jokes and comments. Swim and not sink. It’s rare.

Like a diamond in the rough…

Disney’s Aladdin

What? Oh, I got lost in my thoughts again. Anyway…Here’s the story:

I wasn’t expecting someone to change my point of view. Rock my world off kilter. Then he walked up to my door. Bam! I couldn’t help but be taken aback by the initial attraction.

Tall, handsome, nice smile. AND I still had to do my job. Difficult? Just a little I’d say as my brain didn’t seem to want to function. I pulled through and was able to get the information I needed, give him, his family, and friends a tour, and remain professional and not completely humiliate myself. For those who don’t know me very well or may not have witnessed it, when I’m attracted to someone I tend to get quiet as a church mouse. Words most time don’t even come out. And I flush a nice pink.

I felt like patting myself on the back for being able to overcome that! I guess I can be thankful that I had my job to help me out of my comfort zone. It was only Day 1. Yikes!

The week was pretty much a whirlwind and blur. Not everything that happened will be in order in this story. I was in a bit of a daze. Like I said, knocked off kilter by the unexpected.

I love puzzles. It challenges your mind. Makes you think. Whether it’s a jumble of rings put together that you have to get apart or putting together an 1,000 piece plus of art. Somehow this love of mine was what helped put the two of us together all the time.

It started with me just being in the game room getting a puzzle to work on (I was also kind of putting myself purposely in the same room when I normally would have gone to bed, brave right?). I had started doing them over winter to keep me entertained. This geeky side of me might be the only time it may have possibly attracted someone. I say may because I’m still not sure.

Back to puzzles. After sitting down and getting my puzzle prepared I found myself being drawn in by the happenings at the other tables. Card games and puzzle bracelets being played. Especially the frustration that seemed to be coming from a certain guy who wasn’t able to get the puzzle chain undone (he was also being goaded from his peers). My smirk might have given me away.

I was then tasked to best him by solving it when he couldn’t. They (his friends and family) guessed I’d be able to solve it, and passed it to me. Being one who doesn’t like to back down from a challenge I got to work. Low and behold I figured it out. Victory!

This seemed to spur the rest of the week for continued endeavors. Typically from what I’ve heard, witnessed, or been a part of, guys don’t like to be beaten in a challenge. Am I wrong about that? Let me know.

The huge puzzle I had picked out earlier became worked on days and nights, when possible, until it was finished by just about everyone. That in itself was a competition as to who placed the most pieces. Conversations occurred in rocking chairs, visits to my office to say good morning while checking merchandise. Simple things.

All of these little simple things I couldn’t help but question my sanity. Was he flirting? He sure made me nervous! He had a girlfriend, although from what his family and friends noted it wasn’t anything “serious”. He was even being teased about the relationship with his girlfriend. I kept my nose out of it and just listened. After all I figured I had no chance.

Other co-workers seemed to be interested in him as well. More forward co-workers than I. So, as I said before I tend to step back, let the other woman have her chance. I’ve never been one to play the game of “all is fair in love and war”. I guess I just figured if he was the right one, I wouldn’t have to fight. Sounds nice and easy doesn’t it?

If only.

I got a chance to hang out with his friends on my off day. We had a lot of fun. I worked on the puzzle some more after lunch and was joined by him a little after. Just enough for him to joke with me and then take off for the plans he had already made that afternoon.

I met up with his friends to finish out the rest of our day with a little fly fishing. While we were deciding which way to go he was brought up. I don’t remember exactly who said what. Maybe I was asked what I thought of him. And maybe in my reply I said something about thinking he was nice, even liking him but doubting that he even was interested. After all, there were the other girls.

I just remember that I was told he liked me. Proof being that he had left his friends and family telling them that he had to check my progress on the puzzle. While he had made it seem to me like he had just wondered in not knowing I was there. Interesting don’t you think?

His friends mentioned he knew where I was and what I was doing most of the time. Most of the time I could probably say the same thing about me for him. It was an easy relaxed situation. They also mentioned that he didn’t give the time of day to any of the other girls, my co-workers. Huh. That stumped me.

At the end of the week I was smitten. His friends and family seemed to be for me liking him and he liking me. Knowing that, I still couldn’t bring myself to be forward. I really liked this guy, but I also wanted to respect the fact he had a girlfriend. We were even from the same home state but what were the chances we’d see each other again?

The last night was stretching on and we all were having a good time hanging out, telling stories, and joking around. Just as I thought the night was over, I was being handed one of our business cards from one of his friends. By the time I wrapped my head around the fact that his friend and he had written their numbers on the back of the card he was gone.

What just happened?!

I didn’t know what to do. I was frozen. I’d never been given a phone number from a guy. Was I suppose to call him? There were no instructions! No “call me”, just a number and a name. Ahhhh!!!

The next morning before they left I thought “I’ll ask him, I’ll just be bold and forward and ask”. Did I? No. I was too caught off guard by the hug goodbye I got from him. Again the encouraging from his family to keep in touch. What a great week they had. And then they left.

A few months later, even a year after I’ve been brave and thrown out a few texts to him. I’ve gotten replies but nothing really further. I don’t know if he still has a girlfriend or if he was ever really interested. I don’t know if I’ll ever really know.

I’d like to. Even though it was only a week, it left an impression on me. One that, if I knew there was a possibility I would have to rethink what I really want. He could be the guy, the man, to do that.

So now what to do? How will I know?

*cue Whitney Houston*

*I apologize for my child of the 80’s moments during the post but it just can’t be helped at times, my brain wonders*

 

 
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