Dating Is Hard

Stumbling Through The Adventures And Misadventures Of Dating With God's Grace

The Awkward Work Situation June 24, 2013

 

Why does it always seem that when you’re having a normal working day things can come out of left field and surprise you? This occured the other day while I was putting things away at work. That awkward moment when a guy asks me why I’m single. It seems like such an innocent question at first, yet can truly be more complicated than a simple answer of ” I just am.” They always want to know more. Usually it involves a questioning stare of “what’s wrong with you?”

Secondly, what seemed like an innocent work relationship with my normal sarcasm and wittiness towards co-workers backfired on me. More than once. I’ve been asked out at least five times. These guys are not my typical guys either. Annnnnd it makes it super uncomfortable for me. Why? I am horrible at confrontation and letting someone down, otherwise known as that horrible word. Rejection.

Knowing what I want in life and who I’d like to have in my life with me doesn’t always attract the right guy and situation I’d like myself going towards. I have constantly wondered why this keeps happening to me. What am I doing wrong? Through the help of some awesome friends, and a book I am currently reading, I have learned that somewhere down the line I started undervaluing myself not only in love but in life (that job I’ve always wanted but seem to think I’m not good enough for, and let other circumstances and excuses get in my way).

I let myself be comfortable in situations that don’t necessarily benefit me. I am socially extroverted easily towards people I am not attracted to. I don’t put the pressure of a romantic relationship in the equation. So it’s easy for me to be myself.

Now I know why these guys at work keep coming up to me. I’m relaxed, for the most part, and just being me, because I’m not worried about dating, guys, and the possibilities of what could happen. I’ve even gotten to the point of just telling them “I don’t date co-workers” and even more recently said “I like rodeos, cows, horses, and the country”, and thankfully they agreed it would not be a good match. Also, more than half of these guys were divorced/separated, had baby mama drama, and more than one kid.

I’m okay with kids, and even divorce. When it comes down to questioning my value, I don’t even hesitate to politely show them the door. After the initial embarrassment of it all, that is. By my value (note I didn’t say values) I mean not what I would like in someone else, but what I like in myself, and how I hold myself personally to a standard. Valuing myself first is the key to my happiness, and others will see that. Like I’ve been told, “sometimes you have to pick yourself”.

 

Considering Getting A Matchmaker April 11, 2013

Yes. This thought has gone through my head more than once. I watch several shows that involve matchmakers. The newest one is Ready For Love. The basis of this I will review over on my Entertaining Is Hard page. For now, back to me.

I have cut myself off of all dating sites in an attempt to become more social and outgoing. Not closed off hermit style in my house like I have been. The hard part about that deal? No money.

I had been running myself so thin that I never had the cash to be able to participate in any activities. I just had the opportunity to sit and be…well…bitter. And that’s never a good place to be. It’s one thing to settle in and have fun at home with someone. Whether that someone is a date or a friend. Having people around makes you feel better. It’s like putting the sun in the darkness.

I’ve been letting myself get a little too comfortable in the dark. That’s not me. So focusing on myself is Plan A. I feel better when I’m in a more organized and fit state of mind, body, and spirit.

Instead of focusing on that I start thinking, also with the suggestion from my mother every time a show like The Bachelor, or Ready For Love comes on, that I should go on it. Heck, nothing else seems to be working. And then within that split second of thinking it, I stop and realize “hell no I’d never be on it”. Too. Much. Drama.

No matter the angle that is spun for a show like that and how much better they are than the show before it. The drama is always there. It’s TV after all. And although most of us are looking for a storybook romance like in the movies, some epic tale to share down the line to others, we don’t always get that. Sometimes we just get normal, and that’s okay.

Because sometimes normal is better than any epic love story.

 

Accents January 30, 2013

I can’t help it. I like accents. Or should I say I love them? Especially when a man has one. I mean, come on…it’s just melting.They surround us constantly whether someone is from a different country or within our own country. They just rock. There are however some accents that make me swoon.

1. Australian

English: Chris Hemsworth at the 2010 San Deigo...

Ex: Hugh Jackman, Chris Hemsworth, Simon Baker, Sam Worthington, Heath Ledger, and Alex O’Loughlin to name a few. Plus the fact that they aren’t bad to look at doesn’t hurt the situation either.

2. Irish and Scottish

Scottish actor Gerard Butler at the press conf...

Ex: Gerard Butler. Need I say more? Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Colin Farrell, Liam Neeson, Sean Connery, Dougray Scott, James McAvoy.

3. British

daniel-craig

Ex: Daniel Craig, Colin Firth, Paul Bettany, Clive Owens.

4. South African

Charlize Theron Dior

Ex: Charlize Theron, Arnold Vosloo

5. Italian

Ex: Monica Bellucci, and the rest well, are from old-time Hollywood or in foreign films most of us have not seen.

Just something about these above mentioned accents is awesome. There are a ton more I’m sure if I heard a lot more of I’d love just as much. As I was saying, I am a fan of accents. Words just seem to roll off the tongue better with one.

This even applies to people in the South like Alabama. I have a couple of friends from there that I love hearing from. That drawl gets me every time. And the politeness of the “ma’am” when spoken too. Oh, and if you’ve ever had someone call you “baby” with that accent, it’s well worth it. And probably the only time I have ever liked it.

Being called “ma’am” in Texas within hours of driving into the state and having the door opened for you by a perfect stranger. Chivalry dead? Not everywhere! I think I probably had a goofy shocked look on my face.

No matter where the accent comes from, ( minus some slang, and certain other areas that make the American public look not the brightest) they’re pretty neat. Accents define where you’re from, and add to character. And as we’ve seen in acting are easy to drop or pick up. Kind of.

It’s weird that some people don’t like accents to me. I’ve heard people say that they try to drop their accent because people don’t like it or can’t understand them. Who cares? Let it fly I say! People already give up so much of who they are to fit “the norm” why give that up to? Embrace it.

If someone makes fun, they’re just jealous. And if I ever mimic an accent, it’s because I’m jealous. I LOVE them. If I could be surrounded by accents daily I would. Bring them on world! Let’s keep our cultures alive and well. Differences are beautiful.

 

Man Made Distractions January 29, 2013

It’s hard at times to not get distracted from the things in life that I really want, by the things in life that I would like to have. So in that frame of mind I did something a little off the book. Or more so, I should say off the plan. I went through and found all my online dating profiles and deleted them all. That’s right, gone.

single

I realized with the ringing in of the new year, my 30th birthday, and starting to move forward instead of standing still, that I was not doing what was best for me by letting myself get distracted by one of the things I would like in my life. A boyfriend, you know, the type to eventually become a husband and all that other Cinderella stuff. Not that I have one but the pursuit of one is what has been my problem. All of this online dating, which really just ends up being online ogling at profile after profile because we women actually read profiles and then consumes well, hours.

Meanwhile I’m becoming a hermit. Let’s face it, that’s not exactly the best way to get a date. Looking back on it, it’s super lazy. I can sit in my pajamas with no makeup and “see” all the men I want without ever having to go anywhere. Sounds good doesn’t it? But where does it get me? Nowhere. I’m still sitting at home, in my pajamas with no makeup on.

Tucking myself a little harder into that box I so comfortably fit into. For the new year and the start of my 30’s I’ll be stepping out of the box. Or maybe I should say busting out. Dating is scary and an easy way to ease that is by putting up walls via the internet.

So I’m challenging myself. Baby steps, but I’m going to do it. Get out and do things I want to do. Stop waiting around and just looking, and do.

Is there something missing from your life? Something that you’ve always wanted to do but got distracted from? Get out there and do it! Here’s to adventure and the pursuit of love and life! Corny, I know, but go with me on this. Because while we’re sitting at home all comfortable, other people are living their lives, going after their dreams, and being happy. Why should we be envious of them for getting what they want out of life when we have the ability to do the same? And after all, our dreams are way cooler.

 

 

 

 

10 Great Comebacks January 28, 2013

why-am-I-still-single

Ever get the question of “why are you still single?” especially around the holidays? Besides yah know, the every time you see someone normalcy. Or when there is a new single guy in the room and people try to pair you up, or on a date and a guy asks you? Cause, that’s not awkward. Here are 10 great comebacks to that question.

  1. Just lucky, I guess.
  2. Name one married superhero. Exactly.
  3. My mail-order spouse should be arriving any day now.
  4. Jesus was single. Would you be bugging him?
  5. Because no company is better than bad company.
  6. There are just too many proposals to pick from.
  7. What’s the rush?
  8. I don’t like to share.
  9. Haven’t seen anyone of interest yet.
  10. True love is worth waiting for. I’m not going to settle just because I’ve been single for a while.
 

The Bachelor Vs Online Dating January 23, 2013

 

I have to admit that I’ve seen The Bachelor, and The Bachelorette more than once. And every time it drives me nuts! All of these women or men competing over one person. Getting played by one another, drawing out people’s feelings for show ratings, etc. There is no way in heck that I could do that. Too much chick drama.

Plus, I’m horrible at hiding my emotions. I can keep certain things bundled up but faking whether I like someone…I just can’t do it. It’s like there is some big flashing sign on my forehead. Or a big red X flashes across like on Family Feud when the wrong answer is given, or in this case the wrong guy approaches.

Yet with all of my online dating experience I can’t help but start to see some similarities after time. Online dating is A LOT like The Bachelor. I had never really thought about it, because, well, it’s not as in your face as The Bachelor is. Then I had it pointed out to me by my last online interest.

Cowboy: “So I’ve gone on two dates with two different women since I’ve been on the dating site. And they both say they’re “into me” or “like me a lot”.

Um, okay? And why did he feel he needed to tell me this? Because I wasn’t doting on him like they were. I’m just not that girl. I’m not going to just throw out my feelings to someone I’ve never met, went on a date with, or even gotten a straight answer from in an email.

If you’re trying to capture my attention and heart…USE YOUR WORDS! It is the most annoying thing when you bounce around and don’t answer something I have asked or completely ignore it. I’m trying to get to know the guy, he’s got to give me something for me to want more and be interested. More on this experience later. Boy oh boy was it a flop too!

Back to where I was…which was…AH! Examples!

When your online dating you don’t realize most of the time that there are other women. Heck, when you’re dating period, you don’t think about other women. Truth be told, I do. More so when I am dating someone in person, in my hometown, who I can hear things about. Which is exactly like The Bachelor!

Sitting there watching as the guy your there for goes out with a group of women before you. He kisses other women and you hear about it. There isn’t a move made that your able to ignore. And that’s the way they like it, THAT’S what sells. Chick drama.

Not so much online. It’s like an invisible shield goes up and you think you’re the only two on the site even when you’ve looked at other profiles. It feels more close encounter and mysterious because all of the background chatter isn’t happening. Until it’s brought up, like Cowboy mentioned above.

So why is it so hard then to raise that shield in other forms of dating? Focus on the one person your interested in? Not let others intervene. Simple, curiosity gets the best of us. We want to know more, so we ask, especially if the guy is not spilling it himself. We want to protect ourselves from being duped.

Yet, sometimes we get in our own way. So what does it take for us to be able to step out of our own way, stop listening to all the chick talk, and just let things happen?

 

The Single In A World Full Of Couples January 14, 2013

Single Rose in Trash

Single Rose in Trash (Photo credit: VancityAllie)

It’s difficult being the single woman at times when it seems that most of the friends you hang out with are now married and have kids. Yes, your friends are still your friends and you love them but things have changed in the dynamic that you are used to. They aren’t able to go out as much as you would like. They have couple things to do and most of that does not involve you as a single person attaching a third wheel to their party.

Yes, it can get uncomfortable. And yes, it can get lonely especially when it’s your best friends that have left you in the single world all alone. Unfortunately we all aren’t destined to meet the people we are meant to be with at the same time as everyone else. That’s just the way the cookie crumbles.

And the older you get the more common it starts to become. Hopefully this stage in your life won’t be too long. In the meantime enjoy being single! Don’t let yourself get caught up in their world. Take the time to do the things that you want to do, be bolder, be braver, and get involved with the things you wouldn’t be able to if you were in a couple.

Now is a better time than any to just do it. Quit questioning yourself and go for it. Don’t think about the what ifs or all those Hallmark movie moments you’d like to have. Take time for what you want to do. Don’t lose yourself in others and what could be. Go and find out more about yourself and while doing that, you may just find you were where you needed to be all along.

 

 
%d bloggers like this: